Getting Killed By Raymi the Minx

Earlier this week someone threatened to put a flaming bag of shit on my door stoop. It's been a while since that happened. It all started on Wednesday when I called Lauren White, the 26-year-old blogger better known as Raymi the Minx. I wanted to interview her. She said yes, and we made arrangements to meet up the next day for lunch. What seemed like seconds later, my editor e-mailed me. "You've already been blogged, my friend," he wrote. Lauren had posted it on her site: "the globe and mail is coming by tomorrow... i better watch my mouth."

I love that image—as though the whole of the Globe and Mail was going to Burlington to do the interview. Which may be what she expected to happen.

As it was, Stackhouse stayed on Front Street. What interested me about Lauren was ancillary to a major development in her life. It was clear that she had broken up with her fiancé. What was surprising was that this woman who blogged about the most banal details of her life, including photographing her meals, had opted not to mention this enormous life change. If you maintain a much-followed blog that purports to record the details of your life, don't you have a duty to at least include a line or two? "Hey guys, I broke up with my fiancé, I don't want to talk about it." 

But during our interview, I discovered that Ms. White didn't feel she had to. She conceived of Raymi the Minx as a character, she explained. As a more extreme version of Lauren White. And I quoted her saying as much in the Globe and Mail story I wrote.

Lauren reacted poorly to the article. She didn't like it. For example, she didn't like that I quoted Hal Niedzviecki saying that she didn't have any talent. I disagree with that, by the way; I think she's an enormously disciplined and talented blogger. Her followers liked it even less; for my apparent misdeed, one of them vowed to place the aforementioned offal on my doorstep. (In her comments section. To which I reply: Please don't.) Oh, and then there's the message Tyler Stewart of the Barenaked Ladies sent to Ms. White, dissing the article as well as the Globe and Mail. Geez. I think it means something when the Barenaked Ladies diss you. What, I'm not sure. But something. It means something.

Anyway, what I wasn't able to fit into the article, was my opinion on the whole mess. Which is this: I think Lauren is being hypocritical. And I think she knows it. I think she knows that not telling her readers about her break-up was weak and spineless. People don't interpret her blog as being about a character. People interpret her blog as being about her—as an honest and relatively unfiltered account of her life. That's why it's so captivating.

Lauren, if Raymi the Minx is about a character, then why would I read it? No one reads blogs about fictional characters. Because there are thousands of blogs out there that are about real people—real people who allow their readers into all the fucked-up, confusing events in their lives. Lauren, not blogging about your break-up was beneath you. Your blog is a remarkable account of a young woman's life in post-millennial Canada. One of these days, anthropologists may study it.

Raymi the Minx has been boring the past little while, perhaps because you've begun to conceive of Raymi as this character separate from yourself. Knock yourself upside the head and go back to thinking of Raymi as the honest online version of your life. Make it as raw as it used to be, before you met Phil. And admit that it's not about a character. It's about you. You messed up when you didn't blog about your break-up, you should tell your readers. You do have a duty to be honest. And in the future, you're going to do better.

And remember: Please no flaming bags.

Note on the above photo: Lauren posted it on her site, which is fine, because the shot was taken on her camera. But I'm the one who actually shot that photo, so I figure I have as much a right to post it as she does.

Comments

[raymi]

i said raymi the minx was a character construct based on a more extreme version of myself
it's what people want to view me as so i play into it
i never said i was acting as someone who isn't me

and i am getting back to my more raw roots when you say boring lately when exactly do you mean

and im not being hypocritical, im fine with the piece. i kept mum cos there were three terrible things taking place at the time on top of the breakup
me showing smiley photos life goes on etc on top of giving everyone the nitty gritty would have been overtly mean of me thats why i waited
when my dad was in hospital (near deaths door) i didnt blog for a week
people flipped out
i wasnt even allowed to have silence and space when my own father was very ill

i knew you had a angle with the piece and im fine with it really, that's how she goes. my readers are the angry ones. don't confuse us.

[raymi]

and i used your person as representative of the globe and mail. it's called being cheeky, i did not expect a team including hair and makeup and annie leibovitz you ding dong.

[Phronk]

Hah, ding dong.

Personally, I think Raymi should so whatever the hell she wants. She doesn't owe her readers anything.

(see also: George R. R. Martin is not your bitch)

What we crave and expect from someone like Raymi is authenticity. I think it's more authentic to refrain from posting about something she is not comfortable posting about, than to force out a lumpy turd of a post just because she thinks some people are curious.

I don't see it as hypocritical to show some restraint in an emotionally trying time.

Also: we all play characters online, to some extent. People are not consciously chosen words on a screen. There will always be some exaggeration, and yes, editing.

[Phronk]

Hmm, well, that link didn't work.

George R. R. Martin is not your bitch: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/05/entitlement-issues.html

[steph]

did i miss the oath raymi/lauren signed at the start of her blog that pledged to always publish 100% of her life?

and who are you- who is anyone- to assume she's been sharing that much of herself and her life up until this, to call her a hypocrite when she holds something back? you only know what she chooses to share with you, and that's always been true. you can't delude yourself into thinking you know her well enough to deserve anything from her other than what she decides you deserve.

keeping something to yourself is not being dishonest. its being private. and EVEN raymi the minx is allowed that.

and she didn't mess anything up by putting her SELF before her WORK for once. are people generally faulted for doing this in times of personal upheaval? no.

maybe the only thing owed to anyone is a little patience owed to raymi.

HER BLOG HER RULES.

[Paul]

Before I posted this comment, I browsed around your blog to try to get to know your style a bit better. You're obviously a talented writer. I was hoping your article would get a little more than skin deep in revealing a real story here rather than simply going for the quick-and-dirty superficial assessment. But that takes time and as we all know, newspapers don't have the budget to let you spend a couple of weeks getting to know the real Lauren White.

I don't know her very well, but from the few times I've actually hung out with her in real life, here's what I do know. Having understood her personality a bit better, I think it makes perfect sense that she wouldn't blog about the breakup.

First off, she's actually a decent human being. I know that reading her blog might give you the impression that she's cold and bitchy. She's not. What her blog reveals is not that she's made up a character. We're all a bunch of Larry Davids in our own heads. We all have similar thoughts to those posted on Raymi's blog. But most of us don't share them publicly.

For those that do share their life via their blogs, they're always trying to put on the best face possible. Here you are Chris, writing about yourself on your blog, listing all your achievements, and even some praise for your books. But you have the decency of trying to sound modest by describing yourself succinctly as a "writer, reader, runner". You wouldn't want to go overboard with the self-praise after all.

Don't you get it? Someone as bright as you should! Your blog is a dime-a-dozen. Most blogs, especially ones by writers, can be summed up as elaborate literary peacock tails. It’s never about the blog itself, it’s always about flaunting achievements outside the blogosphere. Each post is carefully crafted not to assert an argument, but to assert the blogger's authority on a subject. They come with witty baiting titles to attract as much attention as possible and scream to the world "Look at me world! I'm smart and I think I just had an original thought!".

What Raymi brought to the table via her blog was something so bizarre, so (conventionally) un-praiseworthy, so unconventional, that mainstream people are only now beginning to understand it in a much more simple form via Twitter. Her blog isn’t an account of the story. Her blog IS the story.

You might look down on a blog like raymitheminx and think of it as pathetic cruft. I stumble on dime-a-dozen blogs and wonder what sort of life someone leads that requires them to seek constant attention and validation via their blog that they're indeed on the right track outside of said blog. Say what you will about Raymi, but she is a blogger. Her blog happens to be a well-read, dare I say, leader in its field. You're a "writer, reader, runner" and the only thing of merit I can see on your blog is a link to consideration for an award so prestigious that its website is down and nobody has noticed. Sorry in advance, that was harsh. But I'm using it to drive home the point that maybe your dislike for Raymi has more to do with a frustration over not being validated in the same way for your own work, than it is a reflection on Raymi herself.

So, why not post about the breakup? It’s simple once you follow this train of thought. It’s because that’s what every other dime-a-dozen blogger would do, and Raymi isn’t one of those. Criticize her as much as you wish, but the joke’s on you as an investigative journalist for not realizing this much

[jake]

This news guy is very much like other news guys I know. Complacent and arrogant. Trying too hard to attract an audience. Riding on someone else's popularity to drive reader traffic. Writes like a less interesting, less creative, less talented Arthur Black (Seaway News). This news guy is another big-paper version of a community-paper hack. Booooooring.

[someone who thinks and doesn't follow]

It's about time someone called "Raymi" out for her lameness and lack of talent - apart from her narcissism, which is like watching a mental case gone wrong.

[pete]

all you blog/facebook/twitter folk need to get a life.

nobody cares, you narcissist twats.

i will never pick up a Globe again.

[Nadia]

I like her blog and was surprised about her and Phil, which I found out about on Phil's blog. I haven't been reading either in months and didn't know.
Also, stunned by her and Matt Good's friendship "break-up" and like others stone-cold stunned about her hanging out with his ex-wife. She explained it in her blog. Shit happens. You reconnect. I like that a lot. I like Jenny too.
Still wondering what Matt did to push her Raymi away.
Raymi is a fascinating young women.

[Hugh]

Thanks for updating me about Raymi's relationship status. I'm sad that Raymi and Phil have split up. It's cool if she doesn't want to blog about it. I still enjoy reading Raymi's blog. She has a unique style. Sooner or later she might decide to blog about Phil. Until then, I'll keep reading her blog.